I'm Going to Camp Voldemort,beside Lake Paradise
by I suck at life
Summary: There is going to be a camp at Hogwarts.And Wizard teens from anywhere can go.New Housemates and House names.
1. No makeover for Hermione!

Hermione Granger could not believe her parents were actually letting her go to camp.She had been gone all school year and now she would be gone all summer.It might have had something to do with Voldemort.Hermione was now on his hit-list and her parents wanted to make sure she was safe.She had Mmailed Harry and Ron and the both of them would be there too.Along with Ginny.  
  
The camp was held at Hogwarts of course.What other place could be more protected than that?  
  
Mione could not wait to get back to the common room.Even with Lavender and Parvati,gossip queens of the universe.But it was all fun.And now she could actually participate in the chatter because she would not have homework to finish.  
  
Hermione packed her summer clothes.Wow,she realised she'd never seen most of her classmates in muggle clothes.  
  
This would be so cool.  
  
And the best part was that she'd have her friends with her.She hoped Harry was feeling better.But she doubted it.Losing Sirius had been hard.  
  
Hermione wiped a tear away,she hadn't realised she'd been crying.  
  
**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Oh my God!Ron!Harry!"  
  
"Hermione!"  
  
Harry and Ron ran to their bushy haired friend.Though is wasn't so bushy today,she had ponytailed it.Hermione squeazed her best mates in a hug."Its so good to see you!"  
  
"Mio,its only been 3 weeks..."Ron said,gasping for air.  
  
She let go and stepped away.Harry looked down as she stared at him.He was still so sad.But then,it had only been a few months.  
  
Platform 9 3/4 wasn't nearly as crowded as it was in September.  
  
Luna was standing next to two duffel bags and twirling a lock of dirty blond hair.  
  
Mr.Lovegood was nowhere in sight.  
  
Ginny and Mrs.Weasley were loading Ron,Harry and Ginny's trunks.  
  
Draco Malfoy and Pansy Parkinson were sitting on their trunks looking dejected.Their parents were talking amongst themselves.Every few seconds Draco would glare in his father's direction.  
  
After a few minutes more people started to show up.Luna got up and started towards Harry.  
  
"Hello." she said to him,sounding slightly surprised.  
  
"Wha? Oh,Hey Luna."He really had been zoned out.  
  
"The train is here."  
  
No,it wasn't.  
  
Ron looked around for it.So did Harry.  
  
"No its n-"  
  
A scarlet train came speeding down the tracks.  
  
"Oh.I guess you're right."   
  
"I guess I am." Luna said,walking away towards Ginny and Mrs.Weasley. 


	2. Aw! Poor Almost Dead Draco!

Hermione sat with Luna and Neville on the train.She hadn't really wanted to.Luna still freaked her out a bit.But Ron had started talking about Quidditch and Harry and Ginny joined in and soon their compartment was taken over by mad quidditch fans.Not a thrilling place to be if all you knew of quidditch was "wonky faints".  
  
"You know,Hermione,we may end up as housemates." Luna said,reading her packet on Camp Hogwarts.Albeit reading it upside down..  
  
"What?"  
  
"Look here.." Luna said,pointing to a sentence on the packet.Hermione grabbed it and turned it rightside up.It clearly stated that in an attemp to unite all wizard that they would be house differently for the duration of camp.How they would be sorted was not mentioned.  
  
Hermione hoped it was with the sorting hat.But somehow she knew it wouldn't be.  
  
"Hiya!"  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Hi"  
  
Hermione looked up from the packet to see who Neville and Luna were talking to.It was a new girl.She had caramel colored skin and amber eyes.They slanted upwards slightly.Her hair was just as bushy as Hermione's and light brown,almost orange.Strands were popping out of her ponytail.She carried a covered cage.  
  
"Hello."Hermione said,and put out her hand,"My name is Hermione Granger.What might yours be?"   
  
The girl tugged on a curl,"I'm Arloween.Well,Acia Danai Arloween.But almost everyone calls me Arlo." she then grimace and said,"Except for my mother.She insists on calling me 'Pumpkin'"  
  
Hermione chuckled as she thought Arlo's coloring did resemble a Pumpkin.  
  
"I'm Luna Lovegood." Luna said,"Pleased to meet you."   
  
It struck Hermione that it was odd that Luna had said her introduction lucidly.Or even said it at all.  
  
"I'm Neville Longbottom."He reached under his seat and pulled out his toad,"And this is Trevor."  
  
Arlo sat down in the seat facing Neville,"Aw! He's so cute!"  
  
Neville blushed.Luna looked at him with her head tilted and said,"You know she means the toad,don't you?"  
  
"O-Of course I knew thats what she meant.You..you think I think she think's I'm cute?"  
  
"There seems to be alot of thinking going on in here."A voice drawled.Everyone but Arlo knew it was Malfoy before his second evil sentence dripped from his mouth,"This can't be a compartment with Lovegood and Longbottom."  
  
"Shut up Malfoy."Hermione and Neville said.Arlo looked on,because Malfoy was a fine specimen of a british wizard.Luna looked on because she was staring at a spot on the wall.  
  
"Oh,Granger..You lowered yourself from Weasley trash to this?" Malfoy looked at the occupants of the compartment," A maniac, a squib,and who's this?" he asked,finally noticing Arlo.She glared at him."A new one.And she's so much of a mudblood she's even the color of mud!"  
  
Both Hermione and Arlo ran towards Malfoy.  
  
"Cruci--"  
  
"Expelliarmus!"  
  
Draco Malfoy was flung back into a wall.A trickle of blood ran down his forehead.  
  
He was unconscious.  
  
"That was wrong."Luna said,out of the blue,staring at Arlo,who started backing away.  
  
Something about Luna's gaze made her uncomfortable.  
  
Hermione's mind replayed what had just happened,she turned towards the new girl.She gasped and closed her eyes.  
  
"Do you know what you almost did?"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*  
  
A/N: Hey! I'm gonna actually update on a fic for once.People will hate me for the Aimee prank but they'll get over it.And hopefully won't sue me.  
  
No.Arlo is not a Mary-sue.  
  
She may not even be a main character.I may have her expelled.Poor Draco.  
  
But he had to suffer a bit.Things wouldn't be right without him being his normal prattish self.  
  
Anyways  
  
Review and Flame and Stuff.Or you could send me some ideas as I tend to get writers block easily. 


	3. Its only a little bitty Curse!

"Enerva--"  
  
"Obliviate!"  
  
Once again Hermione blocked a spell of Arlo's." Wipe his memory slate clean.Then we can wake him up." she said to Arlo.Luna walked over to Malfoy and pulled him to his feet.He was waking up on his own anyway.  
  
"Wha..What happened?" He asked,rubbing his eyes like a sleepy child.Luna thought this looked adorable,she patted his head.  
  
"You came into our compartment and passed out."Luna said,and lead him to the seat next to Neville.Neville looked at Luna in horrror.  
  
"I did?" he asked.He was still a little bit out of it.  
  
"Yes."Hermione said,coming into the act."Maybe you should go to the hospital wing when we get to the castle."  
  
Malfoy yawned and leaned his head on Neville's shoulder,"Sleepy time." he said,and again went unconscious.   
  
Luna sat back down,"Hermione you may have hit him too hard." she didn't sound upset about it, a quiet Draco Malfoy didn't mind people touching his hair.  
  
And it was nice hair to.  
  
Luna did not notice that about a pint of hair gel was seeping into her hand and Neville's t-shirt.  
  
Arlo sat back down.Hermione sat next to her.Glaringly so.  
  
"Do you know what you almost did?" Hermione asked quietly.  
  
"I almost tortured that bastard." Arlo grumbled,"I just did what my mom told me to do."  
  
"Eek!"  
  
Hermione hurriedly scooted away from Arlo before asking her next question."Your mum told you to use an unforgivable curse? On Malfoy?"  
  
"Who's Mal--oh that boy." Now Hermione was shocked,only dark wizards used unforgivables on strangers."No,my mom told me to protect myself from racists."  
  
"But to use an unforgivable !? What were you thinking?"  
  
"Not much." Discussion closed  
  
"Curee,curere."  
  
"Hermione was that you?"  
  
"I don't 'cree'"  
  
"Oh."  
  
"CUREREREREEERRREE!"  
  
"Hermione?"  
  
"Not me."  
  
"Okay."  
  
Arlo pulled the cage she'd been carrying from under the seats."Diego?" she said,stuck her hand in and pulled out a smoothe ball of butter colored fur.  
  
" A puppy?" Hermione asked incredulously," You brought a puppy?"  
  
"Yes,isn't he sweet?"   
  
Diego blinked his blue eyes up at Hermione as if to say,'Pet me.You know you wanna.C'mon,I'm so squeezably soft and adorable.Do it.DO IIIIIIT!'  
  
Before she got a chance to hold out her hand Arlo dropped that butterball into Hermione's lap.  
  
He licked her face.  
  
She melted."Awww! He's so adorable."  
  
"C'mon D-go work those powers." Arlo was muttering very very quietly," Make her forget the curses c'mon babe,you can't do it."  
  
Luna looked up at Arlo,Neville had fallen asleep on Malfoy's head.It was unnerving really.  
  
"He certainly is cute."Luna said,she bit on her pinkie nail,"But be careful with him Grembleshnicks often kidnap puppies and exchange them for their own babies."  
  
Arlo looked at Hermione sideways."Is this girl serious?"  
  
"Very."  
  
"Ooookay....."   
  
"Oh yes."Luna continued,she had an audience now,Diego was even watching. "The Grembleshnicks' babies are often so ugly that their mother's can't stand looking at them.So they go out and find a cute baby animal,and leave their own misfigured children."  
  
*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!*!  
  
"Oh merlin! Draco!" a voice shrieked,an ugly voice at that." What happened to you?"  
  
Hermione knew that voice,even though she wasn't entirely awake. It sounded almost...puggish.  
  
"Pansy! Be quiet." Luna admonished.Her arm was around Draco,who was on Neville's shoulder,who was on Draco's head.Pansy stepped forward and wrenched Draco from Luna's grasp.  
  
"Mommy?" he asked,falling on Pansy.  
  
"No,Draco.I'm Pansy.C'mon,we're going back to the compartment." Pansy dragged him out, all the while saying,"I've been worried sick,looking everywhere.You should have stayed near me.Why are you so sleepy? Ew,Draco,stand up! You getting hair gel all over m--"  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*!**~*~  
  
A/N  
  
Sorry this chapter was so short.I'll be updating throughout the day.But I need to do these things just as they hit me.  
  
No,they won't be busted for using magic on the train,they were just barely out of england by that time.  
  
Sorry Draco was OOC,but he *was* knocked out so of course he's not gonna be completely in character.  
  
I haven't gotten to the funny stuff yet,its all been drama so far.  
  
Thanks Ash Vault Rose Garden and Brnnttebabe12 !!!  
  
Yall are my only reviewers! And reviews are my life-blood.Okay,maybe not my life blood.But they are a good reason to keep writing.  
  
So read and review,and tell me whether or not to post short chappies as they come to me,r long ones after a few days.  
  
Well thats all folks.  
  
Later Days! 


	4. Sparkly Pink Tank Tops

Amazingly Hermione did not see Harry or Ron or Ginny during the entire train ride.  
  
Well okay,not so amazing.  
  
They were talking about Quidditch.  
  
Also amazingly,Hermione had a fun ride,with these odd people,and this odd puppy.  
  
Luna and Neville kept Arlo busy with questions about her school.She told them she was a 5th going to 6th year student at W.A.F.F.L.E.  
  
Witches Academy For Failing Little Elephants.  
  
She had ended up their after starting one too many fights at Redrum Academy,their mascot was an elephant. W.A.F.F.L.E. was where all the students with behavioral problems went.And where the ones who failed went.  
  
She had never met a Hogwarts student before.  
  
Hermione thought Arlo talked too much.She wished she had made a migrain drought,or atleast brought some Advil.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Woah! Oh! Lookie!"   
  
Harry,Ginny and Ron shook their heads at the foreign students.Those kids were in awe of the Hogwarts castle.They were used to it.Even though it was huge and beautiful,after about 5 years the shock value had lessened.  
  
Harry looked across the grounds for Hagrid.He didn't see him.Hagrid wasn't on the lake with the boat.And he wasn't stomping out of the Forbidden Forest.So where could Hagrid be?  
  
It wasn't like he could hide or anything.  
  
"Are you looking for Hagrid?" Ginny asked.  
  
"Yes,he doesn't appear to be here."  
  
"Maybe he's tending to the thestrals?" she offered.  
  
"The thestrals are standing right next to you."  
  
Ron looked around wildly and Ginny bit her lip.  
  
"We rode them before.Why are you two so afraid of them?"  
  
Neither Ron nor Ginny could answer because they were interupted by a ten foot tall man stomping over towards them.  
  
"Harry! I think its Hagrid!"  
  
But it wasn't Hagrid.Hagrid had hair,and Hagrid was portly.This giant was bald and lanky,he was wearing alarmingly short shorts and a glittery pink tank top.All the students gathered near him and he opened his mouth to speak.  
  
"Hi Everybody!" he said ecstatically,"And welcome to Camp Hogwarts!"  
  
Everyone was silent.Crickets stopped chirping and the giant squid from the lake raised one squiddy little eyebrow.  
  
"And that ,Ginny,is why Mum says 'Just say no'"  
  
"Ahem!" The giant coughed,"My name is Bob! And I'll be your camp directer!" He peared into their confused faces,"Now I know you were expecting Dumbledore to be in charge but he has *important business* to attend to." Bob leaned low and whispered.  
  
"The purpose of this camp is Unity!" He had a lisp."Can you say unity? Come on.Say it with me!"  
  
"Unity!" Bob shouted. Alone. "That wasn't very good,campers.Lets give it another go."  
  
"Unity..." came back the halfhearted response.  
  
"Nice! Now,lets get into the Great Hall so you all can be sorted okay? Okay!"  
  
Harry was reminded vaguely of an American Muggle television star called Richard Simmons.  
  
He,Ron and Ginny along with the rest of the teens followed him into the castle.It was getting dark outside anyway.  
  
Hermione caught sight of a bright red head.Then another,and then a jet black one.  
  
"Ron! Harry! Ginny!" she shouted over the sea of heads but they didn't hear her.  
  
"Who were they?" Arlo asked, she had been following Hermione around.Probably because she was slightly afraid of Luna.  
  
Or it could have been because Hermione had not let go of Diego since the train ride.  
  
"Yesh you are a sweet puppy yes you are!"  
  
"Hermione!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Who were those people?"  
  
"Oh,thats just Ron,Harry and Ginny."  
  
"Ron,Harry and Ginny?"  
  
"Yes,Ron Weasley,Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter."  
  
"You don't mean ..the .."  
  
"Har-"  
  
"Ginny Weasley?!"  
  
Hermione was taken aback.Thats not how its supposed to go."Yes..Ginny is my friend...Ginny..Weasley.."  
  
"Oh My God! The girl who went into the Chamber of Secrets and SURVIVED is here! Wow!"  
  
When they arrived in the Great Hall, the students of Hogwarts went to their house tables.The students who weren't familliar with the set-up stood on the wall.  
  
The Hogwarts teens, sat back,staring at the newbies waiting for someone to bring the sorting hat out to sort them.A few minutes passed.No one came.  
  
The Hufflepuffs were the first to look over at Bob.He was just standing there nonchalantly buffing his fingernails.Then the Ravenclaws looked,then the Slytherins looked.Then the Gryffindors looked.  
  
All four houses were shocked.Usually when a Gryffindor expects something,it happens.  
  
Nothing happened.  
  
Finally Bob noticed a couple hundred eyes on him.He slowly stopped buffing his nails.Then he stopped singing,"I'm just a love machine." under his breath.  
  
"Oh. My.Gosh" he said in the gayest way possible " I'm supposed be sorting aren't I?"  
  
A/N  
  
Well. Hey,I'm done for the day.I think its turning out okay.Thanks Ash for telling me to use Bob,I really wasn't sure what I was gonna do about sorting.Sorry I made him gay,but my TV was on some comercial for old Excercise Tapes by Richard Simmons and it just popped into my head. 


	5. Gay Machine

A/N: Well I didn't get to update as soon as I felt like it.I have absoloutly no ideas for this fic.In fact,I write it as it comes to me and post it five minutes later.  
  
I definately want to do this,but my family is in the process of packing and moving,plus spring break just ended and we've got EXAMS! OH THE HORROR!!!  
  
On with the story,which may just be idiotic and silly,considering its 3:16 am right now.  
  
Disclaimer: Do you really think JKR has to write EXAMS after her SPRING BREAK?  
  
I worry if you do.I am not JKR and I own no one but Arlowen the Evil Bitch.And Ash sorta-owns Bob. Lets say I adopted him.  
  
There were several under the breath murmurs of "What the fuck?"   
  
And other not-so-under-the-breathe murmurs of "I'd rather have that Halfblood Giant than this..this big..."  
  
"Gay machine?"  
  
"Yes.This Big Gay Machine!" The voice of course was Malfoy.He did not realise however,that the person who suggested 'Gay Machine' actually WAS the gay machine.  
  
"Oh thank you!" Bob ran over and hugged Malfoy.Tightly.  
  
Malfoy was turning blue.Though you have to admit,with his hair so blonde,blue looks good on him.Bob let go after copping a feel. He was,after all,a Big Gay Machine.  
  
Draco's eye was twitching as he hissed,"I'll tell my mother about this!"  
  
"Lets save threesomes for later Tiger." Bob purred."Rrraw!"  
  
Malfoy's head plummeted downward.  
  
"Draco,are you okay?"  
  
"Yes,Pansy,I am fine." His voice was muffled by the table.Pansy was not fooled.She wasn't his best friend for nothing,"There there." she said,trying to soothe him,"It will be alright."  
  
Bob wasn't used to this.He was used to happy overweight people wanting excercise advice,not grumpy little wizards and witches.Dumbledore had said they would be like this.After all,there was a *war* going on.  
  
He watched them as they fidgeted and rolled their eyes while he explained,there would be 4 new houses Flybull,Tulala,Breosnort,and Chirewa.  
  
He didn't drag out the Sorting Hat.  
  
By this time Hermione was getting worried.She had not seen a professor at all.Were they even coming? Was this actually a camp or something Voldemort dreamed up?   
  
She tried whispering her concerns to Harry and Ron,(they had finally found her) but Harry was looking like he did in Binn's class,his eyes were glazed over and there was a puddle of drool beneath his chin.  
  
Ron could not be disturbed as he was busy drawing pictures of Bob in a dominatrix outfit.Hermione did *not* want to know why.  
  
"...alternate universe."Bob was saying,"Dumbledore,even though against the ministry's wishes,has decided to stick all of you campers in an alternate universe.You're already here.Thats why the train ride took so long."  
  
Hermione raised her hand,it was only natural,"How?"  
  
"Um..well.."  
  
"You don't know do you?" Hermione raised her left eyebrow.  
  
"Yes I do!"  
  
"How then?"  
  
"Okay Hermannony,don't get sassy with me, girl."  
  
"Hermione."  
  
Bob dismissed this with a wave a his hand and a "whatever." Sadly,Bob was a ditz.He had completely forgotton what to do in case of a Verbal Assault by Brainy Know-It-Alls.  
  
He *knew* he should have paid attention in Camp Counselors School.  
  
"Its no actually an alternate universe,Herminonenione-"  
  
"Hermione!"  
  
"Its actually a pensieve,a memory that we launched you all into."He began to explain how pensieves work.Hermione Harry and Ron zoned out,they knew this stuff already.Little did they know Bob was making things up as he went along.  
  
"So what you're saying Rob--"  
  
"Bob."  
  
"Rick." two could play that game.  
  
"Bob."  
  
"Whatever,what you're saying is that we are in the memory of Camp Hogwarts and Dumbledore is going to bottle up the pensieve and carry us around?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Are you asking me or telling me."  
  
"Uh.."  
  
Hermione shook her head and covered her eyes.She growled lowly.Ron was turned on.  
  
"You know what Bob? I don't care! Don't even try to explain it! Just sort us and get the damn thing over with." Harry woke up at the outburst. " I'LL find out later." she added haughtily.  
  
"Alright,everyone."Bob announced loudly,speaking to everyone."You heard Miss Pris..uh..Hermininnin-"  
  
"HERMIONE!!!"  
  
That was the entire body of students.  
  
"Er,right.Well,lets go get sorted shall we?"  
  
With that,Bob skipped merrily out of the great hall.A few ex-Hufflepuff's got up to follow him,but as soon as they got to the door Bob skipped back in.  
  
Carrying a golden object.A goblet.And something was in it.Something..blue?  
  
Many students were expecting the Sorting Hat.Or the Goblet of Fire.But this? This was just wrong.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Yes,er,"He tried to remember this girl's name.He had heard someone say it to her."Perky?"  
  
"Pansy."  
  
"Patty?"  
  
"Pansy!"  
  
"Yes Pansy?"  
  
"Is that a Goblet of..water?"  
  
The goblet gurgled in Bob's hand." Yeah.What were you expecting?"  
  
The general consensus was fire,actually.  
  
Pansy said nothing.It was a let down.She had wanted the goblet of fire.It just seemed so grand.Now it was Draco's turn to console her,"Its all right.." He stroked her hair,he sounded slightly mocking "Everything will be fine..Patty."  
  
She let her head flop to the table,"You're not *helping* Draco." she proclaimed in muffled tones.  
  
a/n: Why does Bob lie? You'll all find out later.In chapter 7.  
  
Why am I saying this a chapter early?  
  
Cuz I completely forgot about Bob in chappie 6 


	6. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Water

A/N: I was so close to not even doing this fic.I have lotsa stuff to do.What with packing,exams and *sob* getting my heart stepped on.  
  
But hey,I'm over it.  
  
My fic will not portray my life,no sadness here nuh uh.Actually,if none of this is funny,flame me.I'm not good with funny.Only with Angst.But now is not the time for angst.These kids are gonna get ready for a war.Why should I put them thru anymore torture?  
  
Well its 4:05 am.Lets get this ficcie started.  
  
Harry Potter and The Goblet of Water.  
  
Hannah Abbot wrote her name down and stuffed it in the goblet.Hard.It bubbled and choked.  
  
She was just ready to find out her new house.Hannah was sick of being a Puff.Their qualities were all fine and good,but they were portrayed as naive.And dumb.The absolout worst house anyone could have.  
  
"Tulala!" the goblet squeaked.Hannah was startled.She looked over to the empty Tulala table,deeply sighed and went to sit down.  
  
The process went like that.Everyone was called.The first Tulala was Hannah Abbot.The first Flybull was Colin Creevey.The first Breosnort was Pansy and the first Chirewa was Ron.  
  
The Dream Team was not completely separated,Harry and Hermione were together in Tulala.  
  
There were six people in every house,except for Flybull which had seven.  
  
Bob announced that the sorting was over and the feast would begin soon,then he asked if there were any questions.Pansy raised her hand,regretting it as soon as her hand was up.  
  
"Yes Panty?"  
  
Draco snickered.  
  
"Pansy."She corrected," Um..Normally,in Hogwarts we have something in common with our housemates."  
  
"And?"  
  
"Longbottom is my housemate! What could I possibly have in common with him?" She meant this as an insult to Neville.He smiled though.  
  
"Well sweetie,this isn't Hogwarts during the summer."  
  
"Excuse me? This great wonking building we're in isn't Hogwarts? I've been going here for 5 years.I think I know Hogwarts."  
  
Bob's hands went straight to his hips,"During the Summer it's Bobwarts."  
  
Pansy was shocked at his attitude.Arlowen whispered to no one in particular,"We ain't in Kansas no mo'"   
  
"This is a learning experience Panzilla.You and your housemates have to get to know each other."  
  
Pansy snorted.  
  
" Weren't you listening during my speech? Each weeK I expect a list from your house.On the list I want what you have in common,and why you think you are all in the same house.The first one is due tomorrow."  
  
"But I have NOTHING in common with these..these..peons!!"  
  
"More than you think."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The feast was as delicious as usual,though strangely quiet.Nobody knew what to say to their new housemates.There were professors at ..Bobwarts. Flitwick,Trelawny,Binns and Madame Pomfrey.  
  
Madame P, was actually a professor and a nurse.She taught MediMagic at NEWT level.  
  
As Harry looked over at the tiny teachers' table he realised where some of the others were.Then he wondered if Hermione and Ron noticed that none of the members of the Order were at Bobwarts.He caught Hermione staring at the teachers too.  
  
"Harry do you see the...?"  
  
"The Order."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
  
  
They stopped the conversation,it may not have made sense to anyone else.But Hermione and Harry knew eachother well.  
  
There were two logical explanations in their minds.  
  
Either the professors were on Order business.  
  
Or Voldemort had..no.  
  
They didn't want to think of that.  
  
*~*~*~*~  
  
The Flybull common room was actually the Ravenclaw common room.None of the Flybulls felt at home.  
  
They sat together.Though not by choice.Bob had told them to get started on the List.  
  
Draco called it Bullshit.Aptly named.They were Flybulls.  
  
Draco,Ginny,Colin,Dean,Avery,Gregory Golye and Blaise were in deep thought.  
  
Three Gryffindors and four Slytherins.How they hell could they have anything in common? Draco felt like hexing something.But Bob had taken everyone's wands.  
  
"I know," Draco sneered,looking at Ginny and Colin." You too have something in common."  
  
"What?" Colin asked,falling into an insult trap.  
  
" You both have mad crushes on Harry Potter."  
  
Goyle laughed.Ginny glared and Colin blushed.  
  
"But thats not enough to put us all together Malfoy.." Ginny smirked."Unless theres...something you're not telling us?"  
  
"What?! Ew! Oh gross,Weasley.Don't even think it!"  
  
"Yeah,you're right." Ginny said,"Harry could do better."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*  
  
Neville was in his dorm,hiding from his housemates.Girls.  
  
A room full of girls..  
  
But no,he can't have nice girls.He gets mean gossipy girls.  
  
The Patil twins were together,that was the only good thing about their house,they thought.In fact,when Parvati looked at Pansy she said,"Oh great.We got the slut."  
  
"I am NOT a slut!" Pansy shrieked.  
  
"You flashed Snape to get a good grade." Parvati said with disgust.  
  
"Atleast I have boobs to flash!" Pansy retorted.  
  
"Look, you cow,just because I don't have them weighing me down--"  
  
"B-cup."  
  
"Shut Up!" Parvati was in fullswing,and a bit buzzed on butterbeer." I have great boobs!They're wonderful,dammit! You know what? They're bloody fantastic!"   
  
"Vati!" Padma was trying to shut her sister up.  
  
"My boobs are *amazing*!!" Arlowen and Rema Nott laughed.  
  
"Parvati!" But it was too late.Neville was just coming downstairs to help make the list.But he had  
  
barely made it down the steps,he was staring with his mouth wide upon.  
  
*I think I might like this house.*  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Chiwera was the only group that really seemed to get along.With the exception of Zacharius,but he was just naturally belligerant.They made their list very quickly.A few things had been scratched out like,"We all think Hermione is sexy *scratch* a bossy know it all *scratch* Harry's mistress *scratch*"  
  
Susan shook her head and Ron,Zazharius and Terry.She suspected that those three liked the fiery brunette.Well,she knew Terry did.After all,he wrote "sexy"  
  
Seamus liked his house.It was peaceful.It was the only Slytherinless one.And that made the list easy.  
  
He took a quill in his hand and wrote on the parchment.  
  
"None..of...us...are...evil.." in big curly handwriting.It was very gay.  
  
The portrait opened up and Crabbe walked in."Hey..guys? Um..I couldn't find my way in." he said dumbly. "I had to find Bob to give me the password." He shuddered."He ..touched me."  
  
"You're in OUR house?!" Ron bellowed.  
  
Seamus scratched out his statement."Now its gonna be tough."  
  
"I didn't even notice him during the sorting.." Susan mused.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"I would say we're all opposed to Voldemort..but." Harry shot a look at Millicent.  
  
"Look Potter,"She grunted," Just because he want to kill your arse doesn't mean he's a bad guy."  
  
Everyone in Tulala house looked askanse at her.  
  
"Um.."Lavender took the parchment they were making a list on and wrote something."Pass it around and add something we have in common." she said,passing it to Hermione.Hermione nodded,wrote,and passed it to Bulstrode with a glare.They had been enemies since their second year.Millicent passed it on without writing on it.The Gryffindors glared at her,she wasn't showing unity.  
  
Everyone wrote quietly,though Luna was humming offkey.  
  
"Well.." said Hannah,offering the paper to Millicent.She hadn't done it yet.She shrugged it away.More glares.  
  
"God,Bulstrode just do the damn thing!" Harry said,ripping the paper from Hannah and shoving it at her.  
  
Hermione said nothing about his behavior,she felt the same way.Millicent was just being a bitchy Slytherin.  
  
"Fine,Scarhead." Millicent read down the list and then took her quill...  
  
*** We all hate Millicent Bulstrode. ****  
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~   
  
A/N: Well guys.I'm done for tonight.Its 6:30 am and I have to sleep for an hour before I go to school.  
  
Later Days. 


	7. The Trade

A/N:  
  
wow.I've been told by a friend that I'm going overboard with this Bob character.Its not my fault! I like developing new characters.And I hang around waaaaaaay too many flaky lying gay guys.  
  
Anyway,this chapter is gonna be written entirely in Mmail format.I would not have this if it were not for Anya.Read Anya's Naked Quidditch Match.Its hilarious.I'll post a link when I find it again.  
  
to: Ann  
  
from:Bob  
  
subject: Campers  
  
Hello Sister Dear!,  
  
I know its been so so long since we've talked.But I've missed you.There are NO people to talk to in this silly little school.All the professors are so...professory..  
  
And there's this girl,she's SUCH a knowitall.Herminie.  
  
She reminds me of you.  
  
I can't remember what Uncle Albus told me to do.So I made up some stuff about how they got here.But it got jumbled up as I was speaking.Hermomyn was drilling holes into my head with her eyes.Gah!  
  
Uncle wants them all to bond,and he put me in charge of everything.So I sorted them with my toy Goblet of Fire,but had water in it instead.  
  
The goblet placed them without a song and they were confused.But thats alright.They'll know soon enough what bonds them.  
  
Love and Kisses,  
  
Bobby  
  
To: Scarhead's sidekick  
  
From:Your favorite Enemy  
  
subject: your sister  
  
Weasley,  
  
What is up with your sister? She is taking over my house and its only been a day! Tell your mudblood loving sister to go AWAY!  
  
We've noticed you have Crabbe.  
  
We'll trade him for Weaslette.  
  
Draco Malfoy  
  
To: Scarhead  
  
From: Draco Malfoy  
  
subject: Slytherin  
  
Look,lets not waste time with salutations.  
  
You have a Slytherin.We have a Gryffindor.You don't want Bulstrode and we don't want Creevey.  
  
Trade?  
  
Draco Malfoy  
  
To: Ron  
  
From:Ginny  
  
Subject:The Trade  
  
Ron,  
  
I've heard of Malfoy's stupid plan.Don't trade me! I like it here.Its all boys and I feel at home.Some of these boys are right sexy too.Like Blaise.He's yummy.  
  
A bit cold though,and he doesn't talk much.  
  
Tell Harry they can have Colin.He won't shut up about Harry and its a bit grating on the nerves.  
  
Love,  
  
Ginny  
  
To: Bouncing Ferret  
  
From: Ron Weasley  
  
Subject: Sister  
  
Malfoy,  
  
I got a disturbing letter from my sister.She likes it there.She also thinks Blaise is   
  
"yummy"  
  
My brotherly instinct are fighting.They tell me,"Let her stay.She likes it."  
  
and "Get her out of there before she gets herself in trouble."  
  
I've heard about what you slytherins do.  
  
Dirty nasty Slytherins.  
  
Don't mess with my sister.  
  
No trade,  
  
Ronald Weasley  
  
P.S.  
  
Don't even think about what I've heard you're thinking.  
  
You can't handle a Weasley.  
  
To: Bob  
  
From:Ann  
  
Subject:Uncle Al  
  
CC: Uncle Al  
  
Bob?  
  
What did you tell them? What qualities do they share? Why didn't Uncle put me in charge? And what is your insane plan??  
  
Love  
  
Ann  
  
To:Annie  
  
From:Bobalicious  
  
Subject: Plan? What plan?  
  
CC:Uncle  
  
Heh heh.  
  
Plan you say?  
  
Actually,no plan was involved Sissy dear.  
  
Well,not in the sorting atleast.They were mostly sorted alphabetically but I do have SOME plan involving the Getting Along.  
  
Remember Uncle said all the houses must get along?  
  
Well they have to get to know eachother,which means they will tolerate each other.  
  
See,if they all knew exactly was they had in common this would be too easy.But since none of them or I know what bonds them,if anything does,they have to talk to each other to find out.  
  
Ha!  
  
I am such a little genius.  
  
I have to go now.Hermianee is going to ask more about the "alternate universe" I said they were thrown into.  
  
Bobby  
  
To: Don't Lie to yourself  
  
From:The real genius  
  
Subject: Bossy Girls  
  
Bob,  
  
Do Uncle Albus and I a favor and learn to spell that girls name.  
  
If I have to look at "HERINIMOIENIEORMEMOREOM" one more time I'll go insane.  
  
Love,  
  
Annabelle  
  
To: My Nephew  
  
From: The Supreme Mugwump  
  
Subject: Sorting  
  
Dearest Nephew,  
  
How is Aberforth? I heard from Ann that he was sick.  
  
That was a fine plan,but next time you need to fine tune it if you are going to lie.I've learned a thing or too about lying.Don't.  
  
These children are sharp and they'll catch on.I know you meant well.You made them think they were in a world without Voldemort,they feel safe now.But what if they find out about your discretion?  
  
Those kids will have your arse  
  
Sincerly,  
  
Albus  
  
P.s. The girl you mentioned is Hermione,I'm sure.  
  
To: The Amazing Bouncing Ferret  
  
From: The guy you wish you were  
  
Subject: Creevey  
  
Malfoy,  
  
Do I look stupid? What kind of trick are you pulling here? No I don't want Colin,I don't even want Bulstrode.  
  
I'm having trouble figuring out the lesser of the two evils.  
  
But Colin is bugging you,and thats a plus.  
  
Keep him.  
  
Harry Potter  
  
To: *snickers* Panties  
  
From: Draco  
  
Subject: Plan  
  
Sorry Panz,  
  
Our plan isn't working.Appearently we got all the annoying Gryffindors that noone wants to trade.I haven't tried to trade them all yet but from what I'm seeing,no one will take them.I certainly wouldn't.Damn goody two shoes.  
  
There is no way we'll get all the Slythes in one house.But I'm not giving up!  
  
Draco  
  
To:Gay Machine's lovebunny  
  
From:PANSY  
  
Subject: How are you gonna do that?  
  
Draco,  
  
They called me a slut! Its not fair,I flash Snape ONCE and I've been slapped with the title of SLUT.  
  
I needed that grade.Mother would avada kedavra me if I brought home another T during the holidays.  
  
And as for not giving up;How are you gonna get Bob to let you trade housemates?  
  
Use your feminine wiles?  
  
Love,  
  
Pansy  
  
P.S.  
  
If I'm panties,then you know what that makes you? Boxers. Do you know what kind of boxers? Teletubbies.  
  
Yeah I saw you.You think I don't know you watch muggle TV shows? I know everything about you Draco.  
  
Oh,by the way,I saw those *other* movies too.  
  
Sicko. 


End file.
